A Bad Boy Can Be Good for a Girl

JosieFor the RecordI'm not stuck up.I'm confident.There's a big difference.If I was stuck upI'd be one of those"Oh look at me, I'm so pretty"girlsinstead of just appreciating the fact thatmy cinnamon skin looks good year-roundand I can hop in the shower after soccer or lacrosse,throw on a clean sweatshirt,sweep on some mascara,let my hair loose from its pony,and give any girla serious run for her money.And while I totally deserve my spot in Honors EnglishI'm happy to take my proper placein Algebra I, suffering alongside the rest of themediocre math heads.So,as far as high school boys go,I'm not so floundering in self-esteem issuesthat I needsomeone's arm to hang on orsomeone's jersey number to cheer forto be a legitimate person,like some people I know.Man, to listen to Kim and Carolinechatter away all summeryou'd think we've been waiting our whole pathetic livesjust to graduate middle schooland get to Point Beach Highso we could date high school boys.As if high school boyshold some kind of magical keyto who weallreallyare.The Whole TruthAll that stuff I just said is absolutelyswear-to-God true,but the rest of the truththe whole truthislatelyI don't have as tight a gripon my confidenceas usual.I mean, this is high school.Sure, I was pretty popular in middle school,but you never knowhow these things are going toturn out.What ifwhat Kim and Caroline callmy natural lookis considered totally lame in high school?What ifwanting to readduring lunchmakes me atotal geek?What ifI don'tfit inatall?JigsawIt's funny how one night can changethe way you look at certain things.I mean, I believe 100 percentthat high school boys don't hold any magical key or anythingbut that's not the same as saying they're all bad.Some of them aren't so bad.Like, maybe,thisone.I saw him across the gym before he saw me.He was scoping things out at the Fall Fling,looking for that one lucky freshmanto win the prizeof dancingwith the studly senior.I think he picked mebecause I lookedright at himas if I couldn'tcare less.I couldn't caremore.My heart was pounding,palms sweaty.Hit me like a surprise party you cross-your-hearthad no ideaanyone was throwing you.Now, I have never understood all thathe's-my-other-halfsoul mate stuffor when people sometimes talk abouthaving an empty space insideor that they're missing pieces or something.But thenhe walked overand fit himselfright into my puzzle.First (Real) Date: Part OneI think Mom is a little bit worriedthe first guy I'm datingis a senior.She should know mebetter than that.I never doanythingI don't want to do.That's not going to change.I mean, when everyone thoughtit was so coolto sit on the seawalland puff through a pack of Marlboro Lights,I had a blast sitting there laughing,telling them how truly stupid anduncoolthey really were, actually,coughing and sputtering and wanting to puke,yeah, real sexy,dopes.Give me some credit.I never doanythingI don't want to do.Period.He picks me up in his brand-newMazda Miata.I hate to admit it,but he kind of cracked mycool-as-a-cucumber exteriorI tried to pull offat the dance(even though I'm hopinghe didn't notice I talked way too fast)but nowall he's talking aboutis how many horsepowers his stupid car hasand the torqueand how he almost picked cherry redbut he's so stoked that they had thissweet ocean colorcome in at the last minuteand I'm starting to thinkmaybeI madeabigmistake,but I just smile and nod,like the idiotic bobbleheadplantedin the middle of his dashboard,pretendingthis is the mostinteresting conversation ever.Man, I hope he doesn't keep this up too long.We pull in to Smiles.The parking lot isalive,too many radio stationsblaringkids making out in carssitting on hoodseating hot dogshigh-fivingsmoking various thingsdrinking various thingstalking too loudaboutnothing.Real fun.Insidethe scene isn't all that different,exceptit's another kind of darkpunctuatedby the bright lightsof too many pulsingvideo gamesjammed upagainst each other.We walk over to a big bunch of seniorsby the batting cageshe drapes his arm around mereal possessive,which should have immediately brought out myI-can-take-care-of-myself attitude,but instead stirs thisway-foreign tingly"Oh my God, he really likes me" rush.(Lame! Did I just actually think that?)"Dude!""Who's the babe? Freshmeat?" one of the jocks says,right in front of my face."Get it? Freshmen, freshmeat?"He's laughing hysterically,like this is the most hilarious thinganyonehas everheard."Yeah, got it.Guys, this is Josie."A round of Hi's, How's It Goin's, and What's Up'sare tossed in my general direction."Hi."I never thought this scenewould interest mebut actually,I feel really,I don't know,included, I guess,with his arm wrapped around mepulling me into a group–and not just any group:the coolest, most popular group of seniors,even though the guys are fairly juvenile."Hey, we're all heading over to Lindsey's in a while,"one of the boys says."Time to party!""Okay. We'll hit that, too. All right, Jos?""Okay. Sure."Although I'm not at all surebecause my Mom wouldfreakif she knew I was going to asenior party.First (Real) Date: Part TwoWe hang out at Smiles for a while,eat some truly nasty pizza,then head over to Lindsey's.On the drive overhe rests his hand on my thigh,"Are you having a good time?""Yes.""Good, I'm glad. I want you to have fun."His handis stillon mythigh.He's going on and on about something,his car again, I think,but I can't concentratewith his fingers moving back and forth like thatand even though he's acting realinnocent,like he's got no goal or anything,the heat from his fingers issearing through to my skinlike one of those iron-on transfers.I could almost betwhen I look laterhis handprintwill have been permanentlyimprintedon my leg.Then he raises the stakes.He moves his hand onto minepicks it upand puts it onhis thigh.He takes his eyes off the roadfor a secondlooks at meand smiles.Like the big bad wolf.If I was in a comic strip,there'd be a bubble coming out of my headwith the word "Gulp" in it.