The Natural Laws of Good Luck: A Memoir of an Unlikely Marriage

In China, my husband had never driven a car. He was sure he could learn in two hours. He owned a big a motorcycle in China. How different could it be? I soon discovered that the solid centerlines had no significance to him. The lanes held no association to restricted sideways movement. Country drivers in big-wheeled pick-up trucks sped up and skimmed past us, shouting obscenities. I instructed Zhong-Hua in the basics, that the person on the main road had right-of-way and that a red light meant stop until the light changed to green.“I don’t think so.”“What do you mean, you don’t think so? Red means don’t go. You have to wait, that’s the law.” “In China, who can go, just go. Is okay. Big road, small road, left turn, right turn—this doesn’t matter. Just watch, see, look at. Okay—go. Not okay—not go. Also, people drive on any side of the road. Which side open, which side drive.”“Watch out! Stay in your lane, stay in your lane!”“Another driver say ‘asshole.’ What is asshole?”“It means he’s mad. Get over, get over!” I was gasping and holding onto the ceiling, my feet braced against the dash. My husband sighed and said I “must be” ride in the back seat because I was making him nervous and this was “very danger.” I wasn’t in the habit of drinking alcohol, but for several weeks, as soon as we returned home alive from a driving excursion, I sedated myself with Chinese wine, the kind that numbs your mouth like Novocain for a full hour. One day my husband turned left from the right-hand lane, cutting off a Lincoln Continental. Brakes screamed, and Zhong-Hua was looking right into the quivering jowls of the red-faced driver. The man stuck his whole face out the window and sputtered, “You almost killed us!” “Yes.” “I said you almost killed us, buddy. Do you hear?” “Yes, yes.” “What do you have to say when I say you almost killed us?” “Thank you very much!”“I’m yelling at you. Why do you say thank you?” “I don’t know. I just think, thank you.” “Okay, you’re welcome.” The guy pulled his face back. Zhong-Hua waved and thanked him again.