Closer to Nowhere

Definition of Resent: Feel Bothered By Cal moved in a little more than a year ago. He wasn’t exactly a stranger.Aunt Caryn was his mom, and she and my mom were more than sisters.They were identical twins.Two halves of a whole, Mom called them.They were close, but they didn’t live near each other. Aunt Caryn moved to Arizona before Cal was born.She visited once in a while and came to a couple of family reunions. Talk about trouble!I guess when Aunt Caryn met Cal’s dad and dropped out of college, it made Grandma mad.They hardly talk at all anymore, Mom told me once. And when they do, they end up shouting.“So why does Aunt Caryn go to the reunions?” I asked. “Grandma’s always there.Caryn still wants to be part of the family, and she wants Cal to know his relatives. “I think Grandma shouldforgive her,” I said.I think so, too. But my motherhas a hard time with forgiveness.She thinks it’s a sign of weakness.Grandma still hadn’t forgivenher when Aunt Caryn died.I’ll never forget that day.Mom cried and cried.When she finally stopped,her face was so puffed up,I could barely see her eyes.I lost a piece of myself, she said.Maybe Cal living with usis like getting that piece back.Maybe that’s why Mom lets himget away with everything,from pranks to meltdowns to lies.I’m sorry, but I resent that.Try to find a little sympathy,Mom urges. After Caryn passed,things got pretty rough for Cal.His dad took him afterthe funeral, but the detailsof the next two years are a mystery.And no one’s giving out clues.You’ll have to wait for Cal to tellyou, Mom says. It’s not up to me.Whatever happened, I feel sorryfor Cal. If my mom died, I’d be lost.Cal must feel lost sometimes, too.So, yeah, I want to forgive his quirks.