Refugee: Star Wars Legends: Force Heretic, Book II

It was a huge pit: easily thirty meters deep and almosta kilometer across. Mighty columns stretched up into the sky, reaching for the planet that hung in the blackness like an overripe fruit about to fall. Around her on the ground were a number of ships, some secured in their birthing bays by restraining carapaces, others just lying on the ground in various stages of disrepair and decay.She knew the place to be an old spaceport—one thatwas both comfortingly familiar and disconcertingly alien.She wanted to climb into one of the derelict spaceshipsand fly off to the planet up above—for she knew that here,at least, she might be safe—but the dilapidated conditionof the ships told her that this simply wasn’t an option.The spaceport and all its craft had lain unused for manyyears. It was abandoned, just like the world beneath herfeet—as abandoned as she felt herself to be.Someone was standing behind her. She turned, startled,and found herself staring at a distant reflection ofherself. Only it wasn’t her at all. This person had scarsacross her forehead. Reaching up, she realized she didn’tcarry any such scars. The only scars she carried were theones on her arms, and they felt completely different. Herreflection’s scars stood out boldly, proudly, and had beencarved into the flesh with purpose. Hers, on the otherhand, were a product of anger and an intense desire toremove something she’d thought she had seen lurkingbeneath her skin . . .“There’s nowhere left to run,” the ghostly reflection said.In the distance came the howl of the lizard beast.“Not for you, either,” she pointed out.Despite obvious effort to hide it, there was fear behindthe reflection’s gaze.“Why do you want to hurt me?” she asked it.“Because you want to hurt me.”“I want to be left alone! I want only to be free!”“As do I.”“But I belong here!”The reflection surveyed their surroundings, then facedher again. “As do I.”The howl of the creature sounded again, louder thistime, and closer.“It can smell us,” the reflection said. “It can smell myfear, and it can smell your guilt.”“I have nothing to feel guilty for.”“No, you don’t. And yet there it is, nonetheless.”She looked into herself, then, and saw the guilt ofwhich the reflection spoke. It had always been there, sheknew; she just hadn’t wanted to see it. But now the amorphousand neglected emotion took shape, forming intowords that rose in her thoughts, in her throat, finally demandingrelease:Why am I alive when the one I love is dead?And with this came a deafening roar from the lizardcreature. It was a roar of anger, of remorse, and of regret;it was a bellow whose echo called back to her out of thedark over and over again, fading each time until it be-camelittle more than a far-off whisper, a distant speck inthe dark . . .Tahiri . . . Tahiri . . .“Tahiri?”The hand shaking her shoulder did more to dispel thedream than the sound of her own name being spoken.She blinked, then looked around vaguely at her surroundings.The walls so close around her seemed smallin comparison to the dreamscape she’d just left—so muchmore restricting.“Come on, kid—snap out of it.”Han’s voice was rough and hard, like the hands shakingher. She looked at him through tear-stained eyes andsaw his worried and fatigued expression. Leia steppedbetween them, her gentle features smiling reassuringly atTahiri.“Are you okay?” she asked.“I’m awake,” the girl mumbled hazily. Then, realizingshe hadn’t answered the question, she nodded andadded: “I think I’m all right.”Her head was pounding, and the harsh light felt like anaked sun burning into her eyes. She winced, blinkingback more tears as she tried to sit up. She felt strange,confused—and this confusion was only magnified whenshe saw where she was: lying on the bed in Han andLeia’s suite.“What happened?” she asked. Even as she spoke thewords, she knew the answer: the same thing that happenedbefore, on Galantos and elsewhere. The illusion ofignorance was her only defense. “What am I doinghere?”“You don’t remember?” Leia asked.Both of Anakin’s parents were standing over her,dressed in their night robes.“I—” she started. How could she tell them the truthwhen she herself wasn’t even sure what it was? “I waslooking for something.”Leia held out the silver pendant. Its many-tentacled,snarling visage seemed to mock her from its cradle ofsoft, human flesh. “You were looking for this, weren’tyou?”Tahiri nodded, embarrassed. “It—it calls to me. It remindsme of . . .” She trailed off, unable to put what shewas feeling into words.“Of who you are?” Leia suggested.The words seemed to stab a sharp pain in her mind, towhich she responded with anger. “I know who I am! I’mTahiri Veila!”Leia crouched down beside the bed to look up into thegirl’s face. Tahiri didn’t want to meet her eyes, but thePrincess was hard to resist. “Are you?” she asked in alow, searching tone. “You don’t seem like the Tahiri Ionce knew.”“What are you talking about, Leia?” Han said, lookingequal parts exasperated and tired. “What exactly is goingon here?”“Sometimes I think we forget what happened to her onYavin Four, Han.” Leia kept her warm, reassuring eyeson Tahiri as she spoke. Then she stood and addressed herhusband fully. “The Yuuzhan Vong did something terribleto her while she was in their hands—something wecan’t even begin to understand. They tried to turn herinto something other than human. You don’t just get overthat easily. It takes time.”“But I thought she was given the okay. Wasn’t thatwhy she was invited to join us on this mission?”The two kept talking, but Tahiri had stopped listening.Although he probably didn’t mean it, there was a suggestionof mistrust in Han’s words that was hurtful to her,and for a brief moment she felt overwhelmed by grief—agrief that was exacerbated by the way Anakin’s parentskept talking about her in the third person, as if sheweren’t even there. It made her feel strangely removedfrom what was taking place around her . . .“I wasn’t asleep,” Leia was saying to Han in responseto something he’d said. “Jaina told me what Jag foundon Galantos; I was expecting Tahiri to come for it. That’swhy I instructed Cakhmain and Meewalh to stay out ofsight—to let Tahiri come for the pendant.”As she said this, Leia gestured off to one side, and forthe first time, Tahiri noticed the Princess’s Noghri guardsstanding there.Han sighed. “I still would have preferred it if you’dtold me what was going on.”“There was no need, Han. I wanted to see what wouldhappen.”“So what’s causing this?” he asked. “You think itmight be Anakin?”Leia shook her head. “It’s more than that; much more.She’s hiding something—from herself as well as everyoneelse.”The accusation stabbed at Tahiri’s heart, making herjump to her feet. “How can you say that?” she cried,taking a step forward. But a single step was all she managedbefore Cakhmain moved to stop her, taking Tahiriby the shoulders to hold her back from Leia. She wriggledin his slender hands but couldn’t break free. “I wouldnever hurt either of you! You’re—” She stopped, rememberingJacen’s note back on Mon Calamari. “You’re myfamily.”Han stepped over to her, then, taking her hands. “Hey,take it easy, kid.” He wiped at the fresh tears on hercheek with the back of his hand. “No one’s accusing youof anything, Tahiri. Just relax, okay?”She did so, feeling oddly calmed by the large man’srough but friendly voice. She saw Leia motion to herNoghri guard, who immediately released Tahiri and retreatedto the shadows.Leia came forward. “I’m sorry, Tahiri. I didn’t mean toupset you.”Tahiri didn’t know what to say—she felt foolish andashamed at her outburst—so in the end just nodded heracceptance of the Princess’s apology and said nothing.“Tell me, though, Tahiri,” Leia said. “Do you haveany idea what’s been going on in your head these lastcouple of years?”“I-I—sometimes I black out,” Tahiri stammered awkwardly.“I have these . . . dreams that—”“That tell you you’re somebody else?” Leia offered.This brought her up defensive again. “My name isTahiri Veila! That’s who I am!”Leia took Tahiri’s shoulders in her hands and looked thegirl in the face with her penetrating brown eyes. “I knowthis isn’t easy, Tahiri. But you must try to understand. Iwant you to think back to just before you blacked out.Do you remember what I said to you?”Tahiri thought about this. “You called my name.”Leia looked over to Han.“What?” Tahiri said, angered by the almost conspiratoriallooks being exchanged between them. “You didcall my name! I heard you!”Sympathy shimmered in Leia’s eyes. “I didn’t call youby your name, Tahiri. I called you Riina.”A feeling as cold as ice spread across Tahiri’s shouldersand ran down her back in a horrible, clammy rush. Atthe same time, a terrible blackness rose up in her mind,threatening to engulf her. “No,” she mumbled, shakingher head slowly and fighting the feeling. “That’s nottrue.”“It is true, Tahiri. Before, when you blacked out, youwere shouting at me in Yuuzhan Vong. You were callingme something that not even Threepio could understand.You weren’t Tahiri, then.” She paused uncomfortablybefore pronouncing the terrible truth. “You were Riinaof Domain Kwaad, the personality that Mezhan Kwaadtried to turn you into. Somehow, the Riina personality isstill inside you.”Tahiri shook her head again, more vigorously this time,wanting to deny the spreading darkness as much as thewords themselves. “It—it can’t be true. It just can’t be!”“It is, Tahiri,” Leia said. “Believe me. And the sooneryou accept that, the sooner we can start doing—”“No!” Tahiri screamed in a pitch that surprised her-selfas much as it obviously did Leia, who took a stepback at the outburst.As though a dam had burst, she was suddenly in motion.With the full strength of the Force flowing throughher, fueled by her desperation and her need to escape, shesnatched the pendant as she pushed past Leia and Hanand headed for the door—too quick for even Cakhmainto grab her. C-3PO was standing on the other side of thedoor when she went through, but she didn’t even givehim time to utter a single word of objection; she justshoved him aside as hard as she could, throwing the goldendroid clean off his feet and into the wall. Then she wasthrough the door and out of the suite, running as if hervery life depended on it.She saw nothing but corridors flashing by, and couldfeel nothing but the cool pendant of Yun-Yammka againsther palm, grinning in vile satisfaction.And somewhere beyond the sound of her own sobbing,she could hear a name being called. That she couldn’t besure the name even belonged to her made her cry thatmuch harder, and run that much faster.