The Good Son: Shaping the Moral Development of Our Boys and Young Men

IntroductionThe Declining Moral Health of Our SonsTwo of Life's Most Important WordsThe Good Son Parenting PlanA Crucial DutyPart One: The Challenge of Providing Discipline and Moral Development to BoysOne: What Does It Mean to Have a Son?The "Male Question"Merilee's CourageMorality Is Somewhat Different for Boys:Aggression and the Brain; Testosterone; Hormones and Stress; External Behavior and the Male Brain; Brain Flexibility; The Brain at Rest; Impulse Control; Mental DiseaseInside the Male Mind: The Search for Inherent Worth and ValueBoys Depend on Moral TrainingTwo: Are We Protecting Our Sons from Moral Harm?The Nowhere MenMark: What Are the Ten Commandments?Jonathan and His Friends: Strain on the Mother-Son BondGrant, Les, and Tommy: The Tragic Loss of the FatherBrandon: The Gradual Loss of the Extended FamilyWhen the Media Poisons Our BoysThe Mechanization of BoyhoodThe Moral Nature of BoysGood Son Parenting PrinciplesPart Two: Nurturing the Early Years of a Boy's Development: The Age of Obedience (Birth to Six Years Old)Three: Infancy: Nurturing Boys from Birth to Eighteen MonthsYour Son's First Developmental Episode: An Overview:He Is a Spiritual Embryo; His Biggest Task; He Learns by Imitation; He Is a Literal Thinker; He Is Delicate and Fragile; He Sees Everyone as a Potential Nurturer; The Age of ObedienceDevelopmental Milestones:His Intellectual Growth; His Individual Temperament; His Necessary Narcissism; His Angels on Each Shoulder: Synchrony and Remedy; His Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques:The Beginnings of Discipline; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; The Role of Adult Anger; Using Appropriate Physical Discipline; Using Bedtime as Self-Discipline DevelopmentMoral TeachingA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Child Care; The Role of the Active Father; Adoption; Extra Attention the Boy Needs; Nutritional Issues; Media Use; The Rituals of Life; The Role of Godmothers and GodfathersEmmit's StoryFour: The Toddler Years: Nurturing Boys of Eighteen Months to Four YearsDevelopmental Milestones:His Basic Psychological Development; His Intellectual Growth; His Hunger to Explore; His Hidden Biology; Attention as Discipline; His Toddler Search for Independence; His Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques: Creating a Family Discipline System; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Using a "Time-Out" and Loss of Privileges; Showing Him How to Do the Right Thing; Raising Your Voice; Dealing with Repeated Offenses; Spanking; Using Bedtime as Self-Discipline Development; Toilet TrainingMoral Teaching:Letting Toddlers Experiment; Helping Toddlers Make Good Choices; Finding the Spiritual in Everyday LifeA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Changes in the Caregiving System; The Importance of Motor Activity; Media UseTerrence's StoryFive: The Boy Emerges: Nurturing Boys of Five and SixDevelopmental Milestones:His Intellectual Growth; His New Sense of Gender Identity; His Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques:Providing Adequate Love and Attention; Providing Natural Consequences; Providing Natural Rewards; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Limiting Whining and Backtalk; Providing Behavioral Limits; Giving Permission; Teaching Appropriate Response TimeMoral Teaching:Building Spiritual Life; Modeling Adult Responsibility; Teaching Delayed Gratification; Teaching Good Manners; Pick Your Battles; The Question of Lying; The Question of Stealing; Helping Him Channel AggressionA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Being Wise Parents and Authorities; Preparing for School; Chores and Allowance; Discarding Cultural Stereotypes; Media Use; The Rituals of LifePhilip's StoryPart Three: Nurturing the Middle Years of a Boy's Development: The Age of Convention (Seven to Twelve Years Old)Six: The Between Years: Nurturing Boys of Seven and EightYour Son's Second Developmental Episode: An Overview:His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Biggest Task; He Is in the Age of ConventionDevelopmental Milestones:His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques:Being a Strong Authority; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Handling Sibling Rivalry; Praise and CriticismMoral Teaching:Building Spiritual Life; Teaching Good Manners; Beginning a Service Activity as a Family; The Question of Lying; Helping Him Channel AggressionA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:The Family Environment; The School Environment; Chores and Allowance; Media Use; The Rituals of LifeEvan's StorySeven: Pre-Adolescence: Nurturing Boys of Nine and TenDevelopmental Milestones:His Leap in Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques:Providing Reasonable Consequences; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Dealing with Backtalk; Disciplining the Hard-to-Handle Boy; Attention Defecit Hyperactive DisorderMoral Teaching:Moral Training in Supervised Groups; Sports and Athletics; What to Do If Your Son Is Being Bullied; When Your Son Is the Bully; Sexual Morality; Teaching the Art of Thoughtfulness; Expanding the Moral Dialogue at HomeA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Spiritual Development; Honor Obedience; Chores and Allowance; Don't Leave Him Home Alone; Don't Overdo Privacy; Protect Your Precious Moments; When Parents Divorce; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The First Rite of PassageLester's Hope: Do Each of Your Actions as a Gift to Some Living ThingEight: Pre-Puberty: Nurturing Boys of Eleven and TwelveDevelopmental Milestones:His Brain Development; His Verbal Development; He Still Learns by Imitation; His Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques:Stopping Rudeness; Grounding the BoyMoral Teaching:Sexual Morality; Teaching Honesty and Loyalty; Teaching Toughness and Tenderness; Guiding the Boy's Moral and Spiritual Quest; Teaching Proper ConsumptionA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Handling Peer Pressure; Be Very Involved in the Boy's Life; Changing Roles of Family Members; Supporting Single Mothers; Supporting Single Fathers; Increase Honor Activities in Schools; Media UseJamal's StoryPart Four: Nurturing the Teenage Years of a Boy's Development: The Age of Moral Intuition (Thirteen to Eighteen Years Old, and Beyond)Nine: Puberty: Nurturing Boys of Thirteen and FourteenYour Son's Third Developmental Episode: An Overview:His Biggest Task; His Thinking Is Not Always Consistent; He Is in Some Real Emotional Turmoil; He Is Developing in the Age of Moral IntuitionDevelopmental Milestones:His Encounter with Puberty; His Emotional Development; His Moral Development; Risky Behavior During Puberty; Separation from ParentsDiscipline Techniques:Applying Curfews; Holding to Core Rules; Providing a Balance of Freedom and Responsibility; Providing More Than One DisciplinarianMoral Teaching:Where to Draw the Moral Lines; The Temptations of Drugs and Alcohol; Handling One Common Problem: Cigarette Use; Handling Shoplifting and Stealing; Building Spiritual Life; Sexual Morality; Helping Guide His Emotional ImpulsesA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Family and Community Life; A Best Friend; Mentors and Role Models; The Need for Respect; Homosexuality; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Second Rite of PassageA Doctor's StoryTen: The Middle Teens: Nurturing Boys of Fifteen and SixteenDevelopmental Milestones:His Individuation; His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques:Providing Rules and Consequences; Creating Discipline in Your Verbal Interactions; Practicing Creative Discipline; Practicing Immediate Accountability; Holding Appropriate Expectations of Young MenMoral Teaching:Holding High Moral Expectations; Using Stories, Moral Puzzles, and Moral Debates; Sexual Morality and Romance; Handling a Son Who Has a Drinking Problem; Challenging Teen Drug UseA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Trustable, Adaptable Parenting; Work and the Workplace; The School; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Third Rite of PassageCameron's StoryEleven: Pre-Adulthood: Nurturing Young Men of Seventeen, Eighteen, and BeyondDevelopmental Milestones:His Intellectual Development; His Emotional Development; His Moral DevelopmentDiscipline Techniques:Providing Discipline for the "One Bad Act"Moral Teaching:Encouraging Moral and Spiritual Education through Travel; Encouraging Service Activities; Teaching the Art of Relationship; Handling Money and Work; Having Faith in Our SonsA Healthy Moral and Emotional Environment:Supervision; Responsibilities; The Mentor; Adult-Adult Conversation; Media Use; The Rituals of Life: The Fourth Rite of PassageMarcel's StoryEpilogueAppendix I: Fifty Books and Movies That Stimulate Moral Growth in BoysAppendix II: Additional ResourcesNotesIndexAbout the Author